All About “Talking” Stage Before Dating
Around 40% of modern relationships start online, which makes it natural to wonder how long should you talk to someone before dating. The ‘talking stage‘ is a touchy topic, as there is no agreement on how long to talk before dating to ensure a successful relationship.
Read on and learn everything about how long should you wait before taking your relationship to the next level.
How long should you text before calling?
Calling out of the blue was a socially acceptable thing 10-20 years ago, when calls were the dominant way of communication. But the current statistic shows that 88% of people choose texting over phone conversations.
So how long is it okay to text? There is no universal time frame that will work for all couples. Some prefer starting early, within 1-3 days, while others build up interest and switch to calls after 1-2 weeks.
The benefits of starting early:
- It’s easier to build an emotional connection
- No one is waiting for a text response
- Easier to start spending time together
- Some people prefer calls over texting
But there are also some drawbacks, as calling out of а blue might seem pushy if you and your potential partner are not on the same page.
Also, some people just don’t like to waste time talking over the phone, especially if they are actually busy workers or big-city residents who cannot answer a call at anytime.
If you wait you might get such benefits:
- Safety. Scammers seek ways to retrieve information, and asking for your number (to call you) might be their way to benefit from you in the future.
- You can get to know a bit more about your interlocutor without pressure.
- You can change your mind without feeling obliged to explain anything.
But there are some drawbacks, as if you text for way too long, moving to phone calls might feel uncomfortable: you’ve already developed a habit, and getting rid of it might be challenging. Additionally, the initial dynamic you set defines how quickly your relationship will develop.
The rough rule here is to find a sweet spot between 1-7 days, if you are up to a committed relationship and want to move on to actual dates.
But still, there is no right or wrong decision, so you should act in accordance with your own feelings and rationality.
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How long should you talk to someone before dating IRL?
People easily fall into that gray area between chatting on dating apps and going on an actual first date IRL. Online communication on a dating site might be very fun, but the longer you put off real dates, the more you worry about face-to-face meetings.
So to make the online site work to your advantage, keep in mind:
- 1-3 days are enough to establish safety and go on a first date. Some people have great texting chemistry but are more friends than lovers in real life.
- Texting might bring more quantity of interactions, but it decreases the quality, so it’s better to start dating IRL when the two are ready.
- Women predominantly become more emotionally invested in a relationship the longer they chat online, creating a disbalance of expectations for the first date.
So, to avoid the drawbacks of putting off meeting in person, set a date in a public place when you have trust and both of you feel comfortable. If a person you are talking to tries to avoid meeting in real life, the chances are high, that they are chatting with several other people or are not ready to be a part of your life romantically.
What should you text about before meeting in person?
Before you go on an actual date, here are some ideas to talk about:
- Ask for more photos or do a video chat. Catfishing and romance scams are real. In 2021, the median loss reported to the FTC was $2,400.
- Get more detailed information about the person. Ask about everything that can be a dealbreaker to you. However, there is no need to turn text into an investigation.
- Have a relationship talk. Ask about what type of relationship a person is interested in. You should be direct but not aggressive. Understanding if a person is into something serious or casually dating will save you from false expectations.
Talking about these essential things will help you know if a person you are considering seeing IRL meets your standards and relationship goals.
10 questions to ask before you become exclusive with someone
The easiest way not to go wrong with the choice is just to ask your potential exclusive partner some questions. Right interpretations of the answers will help you understand if you really might have a future together and save time, both for yourself and this person.
- What are your plans for the following 5 years?
That’s a simple question but if the answer is dramatically different from what you expect from life, you just shouldn’t start a serious relationship. - How did your previous relationship end?
The events aren’t as important as the interpretation of these events. There’s a golden rule—if their ex was a disaster, a nightmare, the worst person in the world who doesn’t deserve any respect, one day, you can become such a person, too. - What are your biggest concerns about a relationship?
This simple question allows understanding what your partner definitely isn’t into, comparing that with your own expectations and your major concerns, and estimating that compatibility score. - What do you think about intimacy?
Level of importance, frequency, stories about problems in previous relationships, all that is more than just helpful. Sexual life matters a lot, so if you have different needs and preferences, you’d better not start something serious. - How much time are you willing to spend with your romantic partner?
Will they invest 50% of their time, or probably just 10% or 90%? Compare that with your own expectations. - Do you keep in touch with your ex and if yes, how often?
That’s a red flag no one should miss. If they go out twice a month and keep in touch all the time, it’s really huge—they just didn’t forget each other. - What are you giving the most energy to?
Knowing your partner’s priorities in life is crucially important, and these must not be things you are absolutely not into. - What’s your biggest warning for me?
Ask a person about what they think the main difficulty of being in a relationship with them is and take this information very seriously. - What relationships do you have with your family?
If they are awful, think twice. There are people who cope with that and then live a happy life with loved partners, but it’s not always the case. Some just live with their traumas, and that doesn’t have a positive impact on a relationship. - How do you cope with stress as a single person and being in a relationship?
You won’t be able to avoid stress, and if you’re meditating and your partner spends two days at a bar, that’s likely to result in problems in the future. Ways to solve problems in a relationship matter even more, of course.
Don’t be afraid to ask these questions—there’s nothing wrong with trying to know if your expectations about relationships match or not.
Does the talking stage count as dating?
Generally, no. If we are talking about traditional couples, healthy relationships start after a so-called IRL ‘relationship talk‘. It’s easy to get invested in a new romance, as it seems so fun and exciting.
But you should get rid of rose-tinted spectacles and develop an objective perspective. If you didn’t discuss your relationship in any way, romantic or rational, you are not a couple.
Even going on IRL dates doesn’t exactly mean that you are in a relationship with a particular person. The hard truth is that if you didn’t have a relationship exclusivity talk and didn’t make things official, it DOESN’T count as dating. Many singles fall into the trap of texting or casually meeting, which can last months and don’t turn into something meaningful.
What is Talking vs Dating?
‘Talking‘ means that you are in the ‘talking stage‘ on social media platforms or other sites, you are just getting to know each other but haven’t gone on an actual date yet.
And ‘dating‘ means that you have been going out but are not official yet.
Most couples can notice those stages during the development of their relationship, but sometimes it can develop very rapidly, and you don’t even catch yourself waiting for a phase to shift.
How many dates should you have before becoming official?
It can be 1 or 10 date, everything depends on a particular couple. Most traditional couples decide whether they want to make the relationship official during the first 3 dates. If it takes longer, you should probably have a conversation about exclusivity.
Most relationship experts will tell that if a couple doesn’t discuss future plans in each stage of the relationship, it’s a red flag. There is nothing bad if a person is just not ready yet for an exclusive relationship, but you both need to understand and be okay with the reasoning behind it.
How to tell if you’re ready for a serious relationship?
If you are going out with somebody as hot as Jessica Blake and feel like you need more time with this person in your life, it’s already a good sign that you are ready for something serious.
But if you cannot make the final decision or don’t know if your emotions are not triggered by simple passion, here is some self-evaluation advice from our team to help you get the answer if you are ready:
- You attracted to the person
- Your gut feeling tells you that everything is right
- You don’t mind compromising
- After a little while, you are ready to reveal your relationship with this person to your friends
- You don’t question your partner’s actions and words
And your body language can also show that you want to be with this person only earlier than you think. If you feel protective, miss your partner, and genuinely wait for every date, you are ready to take a few steps further.
But don’t worry if you are not ready yet, the most important factor for a healthy couple dynamic is being comfortable with the tempo, regardless if it takes a week or two months.
Conclusion
So, how long should you talk before dating? Whatever feels comfortable to you! There are no default settings, and you are perfectly entitled to take time. Picking the right frame of time that works for both of you is important; otherwise, the other person might worry that you are not interested in becoming their lover or are not interested in.
Video: Making a relationship official – 5 Things to consider before you do
FAQ
How long should you talk to someone before asking them to be your girlfriend?
There is no set time gap for how long you should talk to someone before asking them to be your GF. On average over 25% of people consider themselves to be in a relationship after they kiss, and the rule of 2 months is a good amount of time to become official.
What to do if you are stuck in the talking stage?
If you are stuck in the talking stage and want to get out, don’t be shy to talk about another person’s intentions and your dating goals. If you feel mutual interest, simply find the right time to ask the other person out to grab a coffee or go to the movies.
How to make your relationship official?
To make your relationship official, you should have a “What we are” talk. It can be done online or offline, but the outcome should be a clear understanding of the stand on your relationship from both partners and a set of relationship rules.
